The Wardrobe of Advanced Knowledge

Why, yes, you may admire me. I have donned the Mantle of Absolute Cosmic Rightness. Isn't it dazzling?

Behold my oversize Elton John Lenses of Enlightenment! I see all there is to see!

I have polished my Intellectual Seven League Boots til I can see my own reflection. How handsome I am! I do so enjoy the thunderous reverberations of my own mighty footsteps as I stomp and strut.

Approach! I require an audience to validate my ego. Just let me climb these Golden Steps to my Throne of Judgment. If you grovel sufficiently I just may deign to share a sample of Objective Universal Truth that only I now possess.

Wait a moment ...

Stomp.

Stomp.

Stomp.

Whew, this is kind of steep. Perhaps I    oops

tumble
tumble
Thud
CRASH!

(pause)

Little help here?

Please?

Anybody?